How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
