Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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