you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
