Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
