Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's the barista slut.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
