bring money and cleavage
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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