This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
