like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
