How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
