My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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