I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
