This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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