i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
