Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
