My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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