I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
