you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
