He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
