i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
