WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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