This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
