she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
