remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
