well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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