We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
