so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
