conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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