He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
