I am puke
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
