drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
