The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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