Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
