if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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