JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
