this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
