You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
