All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
