Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
