i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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