I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
