Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
