Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
