I am puke
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
