Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
