Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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