Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
