i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
