38 yer olds are good kisserssss
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
