She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
