Heybabeimwearingurpanties
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
