Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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