I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
