im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
